You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
