You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize