hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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