So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I have fence marks all over my body
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
