I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
