i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
what is it with giant penises always finding me
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
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