I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize