At least make sure they are 18
Why
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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