hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Randomize