ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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