There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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