$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
