You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
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