i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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