the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
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