i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
My pussy is not your playground.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Randomize
