My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Send help, water and tortillas.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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