Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
