Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Randomize
