i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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