ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
