So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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