He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
