biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
