the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
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