So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
