my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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