it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
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