i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
True college students do jello shots in the library
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