Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
