I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
How external is "for external use only"?
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
