I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
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