I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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