there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
you made out with another girl for some wings
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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