I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
