K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
