dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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