people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
