I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
