So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Actions speak louder than pants.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Randomize
