Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
i think im in europe. pls send help
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
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