Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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