i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
