can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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