We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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