Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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