I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
