My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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