He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
