$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
