I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Never let your siblings swipe right.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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