The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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