Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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