she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I got inside last night via doggy door
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Randomize
