a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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