i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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