isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Randomize