ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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