Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
