I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
