just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
