when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
