I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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