roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Randomize
