its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
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