Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
She just used a chaser for red wine.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize