Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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