just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Randomize
