I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
