I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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