I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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