Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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