is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
