Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
