i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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