I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
