4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
