I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
