last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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