i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
