Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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