Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
