dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
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