I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Randomize
