Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize
