I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
