Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
