apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
pray to the hookup gods
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize