May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
