That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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