I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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