Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
PANTIES FOUND
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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