I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
babies were throwing up all over the place
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Randomize
