singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
