did you get engaged???
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I'm like, not good at living.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize