Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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