I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
It was like giving head to a cactus.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
