i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
