it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Randomize
