Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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